Ohhhh just that word triggers some of you guys (I see you enneagram 2s 👀). But today, day 7, is allll about beginning to set healthy boundaries in your life in order to care for yourself.
Boundaries are actually one of the highest forms of self care. When you listen to and honor your needs and learn to express them in a healthy way, your life will transform. Relationships will change right before your eyes and you'll feel a level of peace within for honoring what your soul desires.
This was VERY hard for me for the first 30 years of my life. I said no to nothing, never stood up for myself, ran myself to the ground doing things I hated, over committed while under caring for myself.
And wouldn't you know my adrenals ran straight into the ground faster than I could commit to the next thing I didn't really want to do.
I am very in tune with myself these days. I know what it feels like when something isn't in alignment for me which is very helpful on how to say no to it. Some of the biggest areas I have had to set boundaries are in my relationship with my fiancé, with my kids, my family, my co-parenting relationships with my ex husband and his fiancee and with my job.
Ways to tell when you need to set boundaries with someone/something:
-Instant feeling of regret or "I really don't want to do this/go here"
-Irritability towards the person/action.
-Constant exhaustion when interacting with a person/circumstance.
-Feeling burnt out.
-Taking responsibility for other people's feelings, thoughts or actions.
-Needing to be manipulative or passive aggressive to get what you want or need.
The thing about boundaries is that they are really uncomfortable to set at first. If you're like a majority of the population you will feel total dread. But it won't last long when you see what's on the other side of actually setting and executing those boundaries.
Freedom from feeling responsible for things that are not yours.
Freedom from the chaos of running from one thing to the next with nothing to yourself.
Freedom from resentment.
Your Body Will Begin Healing.
It will truly bring healing when you work your way back to center. But what if you're reading this and saying "but Allissa I can NOT set boundaries with any of these things/people because xy&z reason" guess what?! You're the one that needs to set them the most.
The thing about boundaries is they are an extension of your self worth. Your ability to honor yourself is a reflection of how you see yourself. This is another area you may need to dig deep and see why you're avoiding setting boundaries in the first place.
For me, my boundary issues come from a fear of abandonment. Probably like most of you, even if you don't know it yet.
I was afraid to voice to my fiancé that I need alone time daily in order to rejuvenate and show up for our relationship fully. I thought he wouldn't want to be with me if I didn't drop everything at every minute in order to spend time with him or do something for him.
I was afraid to put down my phone at night in order to get away from the blue light and adrenal stress because I might miss a message for work and someone might not want to work with me or quit the business.
I was afraid to ever tell my kids no because they might want to go be with their dad full time.
I was afraid to tell a friend how I felt about a situation that wasn't in alignment with where I wanted to take my life because I was afraid she wouldn't want to be my friend at all if I wasn't interested in drama and chaos.
I never said no to a photoshoot, business enrollment, speaking engagement, trip or meeting out of fear that I'd be passed up and forgotten about for someone better than me.
It all came from a fear of abandonment. Which stemmed from my self worth.
I can not recommend enough starting with this podcast from The Expanded Podcast: Explained Boundaries. And then finding your favorite way to work through boundary work. Right now my method of choice is through The Pathway: Unblocked Boundaries ($27 a month subscription and the best money I spend every month). In the future I will be releasing a full course on Healthy Boundaries To Heal Your Body.
Today's Task: Journal about 3 areas in your life you feel you need to set boundaries and why. Is it in an intimate relationship, with your family, in laws, work, undesirable commitments, social media, friends....what is it for you and dig deeper into why you feel you're resisting those necessary boundaries. What are you fearing and ultimately trying to control? Be 100% honest with yourself here. No one has to know or see any of this. But awareness is 80% of the struggle!
I'd love to hold space for your story if you're feeling called to share. The more awareness we can bring to this issue the more we can use this community to support one another. Send to my inbox or tag me @balanced_body_restorative on IG or Allissa Lakatos on FB!