Day 8 has an awful lot of irony for me as I'm writing it. This morning I did a deep imagining (meditation of sorts) and it brought up a lot of feelings for me. Trigger is really the right word but I've done enough personal work to know how to feel these feelings rather than let them send me into a full blown trigger (most of the time). So today, we're talking about honoring the things you feel and truly feeling them.
Suppressing your feelings is one of the worst things you can do for your health. Did you know there are studies done on how suppression can lead to autoimmune disease (along with a lot of other negative health effects as well...heart disease, ulcers, IBS etc.).
As the former queen of suppression, I can speak from years of experience on how that habit took a huge toll on my health. Suppression causes a lack of communication. A lack of communication is a blockage of your 5th chakra: your throat. What organ resides in your throat area? Your Thyroid. It's no surprise that at age 22 I already had a deteriorating thyroid gland.
I was raised by young parents who I love so much, but they had a lot to learn about life too. They divorced when I was 8 and I remember everyone telling me that I "handled it so well". I remember not minding that they split up because they were both obviously happier but I was forced to grow up very, very fast as a result. I was in several situations as a child that were unhealthy for me and when I tried to express what was happening to me, I was told it wasn't true. At 9 years old I remember thinking "if I'm not believed anyway, maybe I shouldn't say anything at all. Then I can keep the peace". Suppression. At age 9.
This led to a cascade of events in my life that I kept walking into one after another. Relationships with boys when I was far too young. My entire self worth was dependent on what boy gave me attention. And then my world fell apart when they didn't anymore. I needed to be loved in ways I wasn't loved by my parents (important note: I do not in any way blame my parents for anything. They had their own struggles, lessons and I understand that I choose them in this lifetime for the lessons I too had to learn). I then held in all of my feelings. I made excuses when I was treated badly. I overlooked abuse. Rationalized toxic cycles. All of that just kept bringing my health down further and further until it all blew up in my face over and over and over again until I finally hit enough of a rock bottom that I learned my lesson.
I had to learn boundaries and begin honoring what felt right in my body. I have an insane intuition. It's very, very strong and never leads me astray. I, however, don't always want to follow it because of the choices that forces me to make. But when things were bad enough in my life I started honoring what came up for me and loving myself enough to say no. To not make excuses for the poor behavior of others and to own what parts were mine to own.
This is one of the best forms of self care. Not abandoning yourself. You will find ways to suppress your feelings every single day. Probably all day every day honestly. But the sooner you can begin this practice the better. Beware: your actions may trigger unhealed people around you. You speaking up for yourself, voicing your needs and feelings very well might force someone close to you into defensive mode. That's okay. That's not about you. If you find yourself in an unsafe environment, please call for help immediately.
A good place to start is by listening to what your body is telling you throughout the day. When I get a ping that something someone said to me didn't feel right, I sit with it for a while. I give it a name and recognize that it exists. For example: say a friend did or said something that hurt my feelings and when I expressed that hurt I was told that I was being too sensitive and he/she was saying it because it's what's best for me. That would usually trigger me into feeling like what she said about me was true. I'm just too sensitive and need to get over it. But the reality is that the feeling came up as a way for my body to tell me that it's something that's important to me. Maybe the thing I'm being "sensitive" about is really something that's not in alignment with me. Discarding it as a "too much" is an immediate dismissal of my intuitive feelings. Instead, I would choose to sit with that feeling. I ask "why am I feeling this way?" "What does being too sensitive mean about me?" "What is my body trying to tell me about this feeling?" "Is there programming I have surrounding this topic?".
I do this practice every single day. Sometimes many times a day. Usually a triggering situation isn't isolated. The collective consciousness works together and when one person is on their bullshit we usually all are. So you gotta get real good at your process within yourself or else you will live in a state of trigger...there's that fight or flight again...all the dang time and that's asking for a disaster to your body. Crazy how each of these things are intertwined to the same root, huh?
Today's task: Start seeing and feeling your feelings. Slow down enough to recognize when something comes up for you and implement the journaling practice I shared above. Ask yourself these questions ``Why am I feeling this way?"
"What does being (insert feeling) mean about me?"
"What is my body trying to tell me about this feeling?"
"Is there programming I have surrounding this topic?"
And then take a few minutes of silence to feel into that feeling and remind yourself that these feelings are valid, respected and here to show you that you are human and alive. That's beautiful! You don't have to act on them but you do need to feel and honor them.
Allissa I'd love to hold space for your story if you're feeling called to share. The more awareness we can bring to this issue the more we can use this community to support one another. Send to my inbox or tag me
@balanced_body_restorative on IG or Allissa Lakatos on FB!